i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
