Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
