I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Watching her eat just hurts me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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