I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
