How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
