Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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