The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
