I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
