I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
