They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
