sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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