My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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