Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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