At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
