9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
