I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
