Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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