I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
