I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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