he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
