Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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