You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
