I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
