Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
