i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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