we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
