I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
