I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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