I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
