one word: firstdatebathroomanal
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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