Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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