I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
