you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
