He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
