The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
