Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You were trust falling into bushes
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
