He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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