A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
