You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
