honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
where does the pee come out of this thing
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
