are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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