I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
