just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
