I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just saw a hot homeless man
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
