and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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