We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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