I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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