how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
