apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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