The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
